Theres so much talk lately about child abuse and womens rights and peace on earth. I feel its overwhelming we got so many problems here on earth and I really think we are in hell. Yes the earth is hell and hopefully when we die we go to heaven!. Ive read many books about the suffering of man and I am a former victim of child abuse. so I should know..shouldnt I.
God Im so depressed and spitefull right now and I doubt every human beeings motives. I should be a hermit somewhere up in the mountains where I woulndt bother anyone.

I partyed last saturday...was really strung out on sunday and am still not balancing right this morning.

My head is filled with paranoid ideas and Im feeling antisocial. I feel like everyone dislikes me. I feel like im wearing a big fake smile just because you should "smile upon the world so the world will smile upon you". But my smile is fake and so the world must give me fake smiles back?. Why do I even try to be likeble I should just frown and say fuck you to everyone, god im childish and ignorant right now aint I.

I just had the strangest call, some really drugged up guy just called me, slurring my name and asking whos! "my name here" is this.
I told him he was calling some other xxx but he wanted to know wich xxx I was. I hanged up. yukk

I have been PMSing like crazy and I have the worst period pains...I just want to go home to my hotwaterbottle and have some alchohol and painkillers in my body now....and its only 7 o´clock in the morning.

I just had enough and over that:

Yesterday I just fell compleatly hopeless that anything in my life would be right or clean for that matter. I did not go to school or do anything cause I fellt compleatly powerless against the mess that my life is. Besides from all the emotional stuff my house looks like a place where a bum lives. The washing up has not been done in over 4 weeks, I cant remeber when the floor was last mopped, the turtle tank was starting to mold and was the deep color of reddish brown, the bed has not been changed for over 4 weeks too, our refridgerator has its own living organizasion inside it, and if that was not enough a visiting dog threw up on my pillow. I feel like a failiure and a complete slob.
Well I fixed some of these things last night of course with a little help from my boyfriend but the place still looks like a dirty dump.

Im really tierd of my boyfrend I have no energy left to fight every day.....Im thinking a brake would do us good.

If I met God I would ask her/It/him:

-Why me?
-Can I get a break in life once in awhile?
-What is the best diet?
-Is war, deseases, hungerdeaths and plagues really nessesary?
-Will I be let into heven next time I die, or do I have to live more lifes here in hell(earth)?
-Why do I irritate people so much?
-Am I a good pearson?

At this timepoint of my life:

- Im reading "Becoming madame Mao" by Anchee Min. Great book and my favorite line from it so far is:
"They cant see the trouble mountain because they are on it".

-I hate drawing boxes in art class at school.

- Last movie I watched was Saltonsea wich was ok. It was about speed adictives and revenge of lost love...good combo and Val kilmer looks kind of good with a mohawk....but better as Jim Morrisson.



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Strange thoughts in my head at night.

Ive taken up the habbit to sleep with the covers over my head because of the cold here in Iceland...its just totally comforting, warm and dark. But my boyfriend is freaking out about it saying I can suffocate in my sleep or the dog wont see me and lay on my face and kill me. So last night I lay a wake and thought about it and concidering the cold here I think this would be a nice escape and frankly I was never meant to be born. just kidding or am I ?.

?

Im here again...

Ive been so busy lately so here are some updates

-got a new phone YAY #ericson burn in hell# Ive got a sparkling new nokia with the ugliest fonts Ive ever seen and theyre not gonna release new fonts for a month...oh well maby brown and yellow are in fashion now.

-My birthday was on the 1of oktober. I got a few presents and celebrated on saturday.

-Im still working in the bitches lair and yes I am quitting but Im lazy looking for a new job but eventually I will drag my ass around town begging someone to hire me. Any ways there are 2 months left of my contract so plenty of time.

-school is great, I had the third highest score on the first test.

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