A one good day is worth a week of bad ones.

Well I've been pretty good last few days and very optimistic for the future. I've handed in my clothing prints for the competition and now all I have to do is wait and see. No major dramas have happend during our teenagesitting... yet! It turns out I am really too much of a nutjob to get into the next seminar at the psychiatric ward. But who didn't know that ...he he. So instead I am going to a psychiatrist for some one on one help.

adios my amigos y amicas.. hasta la vista.

I am a genius!

I've been designing prints for clothes last two days or so for a competition! I could win 100.000 kr O_0. Wish me luck. I am also working just a little bit by designing invitations and maybe I get to design flyer's, posters and the windows at a infamous strip joint here in Reykjavík. Maybe my dream is coming true :D By the way Carebear has been working at the strip club putting up walls and stuff. The owner gave us our very own strip pole ;) so now I have to take pole dancing classes. We are putting it up at the new apartment. Naughty naughty. But I am telling our parents its a support beam for our ceiling. he he. Lah la la...

Thank you Áslaug for the wedding gift massage. We finally went yesterday. Carebear got a 20 minute longer massage than me hmmmm. I was going to order the sesam chicken that we like so much but they have changed it to DUCK! but it tasted good. I can not wait till I get to smuggle you into the spa ;)

Other wise the next week will be interesting, we are teenage sitting Carebears sister. Let's hope there will be less drama than last year.

TTFN (ta ta for now)

P.s I was not in Columbia last Wednesday

Some days are lighter than others...

Feeling a bit better today. I found my self grinning from ear to ear over Footloose (the movie). I kinda miss the 80's but then again I kinda do not miss them, lets face it I would just not look good in those "mom's" jeans and that big hair. I've finished one seminar at the psychiatric ward about controlling my thoughts and hopefully I can get into another one for social anxiety. I had to take two tests to see if I am capable to handle the seminar... strange that I could be too crazy for the nut house ;) I've also finished the Photoshop part at school and I am now learning to use Adobe Illustraitor. Maybe I can make this graphic design work for me in the future, wouldn't that be nice! doing the thing you love doing and getting paid to do it? Now I just need a decent camera and I'm set to go to open up my own home business.

Well in the mean time I'll try to get better as a person and I am thankful for so much. Like my husband, my friends, my health , my family, my new home and even the current one.

Fluffylishious hugs and tickly kisses.

This is what awaits me after I crawl out of my little hiding hole on Monday mornings...









no need to say I crawled back in. I am not coming out again until I have to go to school tomorrow night.

I decided I didn't want a normal death when I was a child, like a car crash. No! my death had to be special. I decided I wanted lions to tear me a part and eat me, I thought that was a noble way to die. But when I was a teenager I realized there were no real lions in Iceland and there were no nobility in dieing so I choose pills. But the pills only took my half way and seemed to hurt a few people around me. But they didn't hurt my parents much and not for too long either. Everyone seemed to fade back into the normality of their normal life's and that was that little Eva was just a strange and a ugly little soul seemed normal to everyone else. And now they've changed their minds and want to change me, tell me to be happy, tell me to love and adore myself or like some have turned their backs against me. I am confused and tempted to buy myself a ticket to Africa! If it only wasn't for Carebear, I can not think of a way to disappear or die without hurting him. But here lies a big conflict because I am hurting him right now and have been for nearly a year for just being me. I hate myself and I want a magic spell for him to forget about me. I was so foolish to think I was happy, normal and not myself when I met him. I thought I was not me anymore. How can I make this right??? By living or dieing? Both will hurt him. I am taking my pills, I go to the nut house for those seminars, I even go to school and pretend to be normal. But I do not have the energy to pretend all the time. Feel free to hate me.

Worthless human

I am just a pod, a black canvas. I am so tired of doctors, pills, people who just want to help and the "you can do it - you can control it attitude". I am tired of people telling me what to do. I am tired of you telling me how much I should be achieving right now. Leave me alone and let me be blank, empty, worthless and useless. Let me be ugly, fat, boring, stupid and without friends. I can not fake it all anymore. I can not wait until everyone sees me for who I am... I've tried to tell them. Don't please don't ask me questions... I have NO answers to give, if I had them I wouldn't be here. I am an introvert, a born loner and I can not shape shift anymore. There is no solution and there is no hope. So stop pretending and stop pushing me please. I beg you to give up and leave me alone. I free you from it all.

I start school today yay!

Cool Slideshows