My new EOS Canon camera rocks...

Well it will as soon as I learn how to use it he he. Yes once again Carebear has spoiled me rotten and gave me a REAL camera. The best of all we do not have to pay for it until June and we got a free extra landscape lens, a battery grip, and a printer/scanner. So smile! I'll be taking a lot of pics.

And the "spoiled me rotten parade" does not stop there. My mom (who is btw insane with her generosity) is taking me to Poland to some Spa Detox Center for whole two weeks. I go on the 29th of March. I am very nervous leaving Carebear for 14 days, since we met we have not spent more than a day or a weekend apart. And I will be so far away. But I will try to be brave and I will probably sneak a dirty t-shirt of him in my bag, so I can sleep with it.

What I know want:

-Things getting better between me and Carebear (X)
-Those lovely pills that make me so energetic and almost happy (XX) 31.01.2008
-Lose 25.kg or more ( )
-A usable camera (X) 22.01.2008
-A good (A3) pc tablet ( )
-A t-shirt printing station in my cellar ( )
-Learn how to sew, knit and do embroidery ( )

I think if I had these things I would be happy. Very happy indeed. I could let my creativity flow and sell my stuff on-line. I would be skinny and healthy and happily in love. If I had all these things I wouldn't need a psychiatrist and pills.

MMMwaaahhh kissy kissy

Just so tired, heavy and lazy all the time. I need those little pills more than I care to admit. I miss all the joy and energy they gave me... I was almost me again. But we don't even have enough money now for food and gas. These are the most difficult times I have lived since I was sixteen.

Oncenita needs a some kind of a shot from the vet and she is supposed start puppy school after a few days but we can't afford it.

Hagkaup made 1.3 million kr.- from my clothes, I get 36.000 kr.-. I feel a little used. Imagine if I had done all those clothes myself. I need a camera, pc drawingpad, and so much more to start my own business. And I so want to go to school and learn to sew but no money, no sewing machine makes that impossible.

Please God help us out of this money problems.

The first blog of the new year....

I have behaved very very badly last few days and I almost ruined Christmas for Carebear. I cut of all my hair and broke everything in sight. I feel ashamed but I do not understand my actions. I almost feel like a helpless child in a fit of rage?

But now I have "fixed" my hair and thankfully my dearest husband still loves me and supports me, we also had a lot of help from my best friend and favorite son. I would be NOTHING with out you two. Thank you so much for everything.

Its New years night now and I do feel much optimistic for 2008 and I hope I can make up for all my mistakes. I hope I can make everyone happy and I hope I can loose all my extra weight. I am going to do EVERYTHING to get there. I have everything to win and nothing to lose if I just try harder, faster, stronger, better hehe.

But over all if you look at my life I am so lucky, loved and well cared for. And I do appreciate my husband, my daughter, family and friends. My home and my life's opportunities. I Just have to get out of my head, out of my weight and out of my past. And I promise I'll try harder because I don't want to lose my life and everything in it.

Anyways I love to love and being loved and thats whats really matters. Now I am going celebrating with my friends and drinking lots of bubbly. Love love love be with us all this year.